Deep Thoughts 3.0, chapter 1

I no longer have a toddler. Sorry to realize I haven't captured half the funny things both girls have said to me in their innocent observations. Still, things come up in conversation that are delightfully naive. Version 3.0 captures the braintrust of both my hearts as they navigate this big world.



Can you pause the book?
I'm reading the book... It's me... There's no "pausing"...
Yeah. Pause the book. I want to go look at that bug.

I wish we could hear dogs words so we could hear them.

Now THAT was a fart! (self congratulatory)

I can see that your hands are ticklish.
(and they're going to tickle you.)

I'm not scared of anything but monsters. Because they could be alive, like water snakes.

They guessed my favorite color was blue. And then Story guessed it was Turquoise but then I told them it was aquamagreen.


 Misunderstood lyrics
Ooh Woo, I'm a rebel with a kickstand. (Portugal. The man)

We made this city all over the world. (Starship)

Deep Thoughts 2.0, chapter 3

Where did you get that chapstick? Is it Mae's?
No... it's from a store... called... Lipstick.

It's not my forte. 
It's not my fart day either.

(Because we found ourselves at a Latin Mass Sunday morning - long story - and I had to answer a lot of questions):
Why is Jesus on that cross? Brutal.

 So Jesus died? Yes. And when's he coming back? Technically he already did. I didn't see him come back. Well no not here today. I mean, they think here today, but like physically not here today...

 Why did Jesus need fairy seeds? No, he needed the Philases (or however they spell it). 

 What are they eating? The body of... ugh! Little tiny pieces of cracker.

Deep (Holiday) Thoughts 2.0, Chapter 2

Mom if you're on the naughty list, I'll be nice to you.
I don't think that's how it works. 

Mom here's another gift for you. Open it. 
We don't open gifts until Christmas.
We'll this is a different gift. It's a Kwanzaa gift.
(I'm actually pretty proud of her diverse approach to the holidays).

You changed again. Why?
'Cause those goddamin' clothes don't fit me.
What clothes?
Those goddamin' clothes. I hate them. 

What do you want to get Dad for Christmas?
A handful of kitties.

Parenting 101

The moments that will win me an award...

You're going out to dinner tonight? I want to go!
You can't go; it's for adults.

Yes. I can go. I'm grown up.
No you can't. Where I'm going is only for adults.

Where are you going?
Out. Just, out.

Where?
The Children's Museum. (but it was a retirement party.)

Deep Thoughts, Chapter 10


Are you lucky? I'm lucky.
You are lucky. Do you eat Lucky Charms?

I like pictures. It's like I'm dancing in the dark in my underwear.

I look different in different clothes.

Our current resident toddler is retiring this month. She's moving on to the greener pastures of being a big girl (aka 5). Not to worry though, we have a replacement whose already been vetted out and groomed for the gig. More Deep Thoughts, Version 2.0, to come.



Deep Thoughts, Chapter 8

Mom, someone took a bite out of the apple.
Yes you're right, someone did. 
Actually it's just designed that way.
Yep. It's designed to make the apple seem more interesting. 

Mom, what is this?
It's my blue tooth. 
No. It should be your black tooth.

I love you to the moon and back. 
Mom, that's too far. I don't want to go that far.


Do you want to get married when you grow up?
No.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
A big girl. A big, big girl.
What will you do when you're a big girl?
Carry Amelia.
And what else?
That's it: carry Amelia.

I think vultures are eating my breakfast.
Mom, real vultures don't come inside.