9. White Christmas

She asked me tonight while laying in bed, "What was your favorite scene in White Christmas?" She was stalling but we reviewed all the ones we preferred - mine is Bing and Danny covering the Haynes Sisters act and Amelia's is the final scene when the snow falls. Then we talked about our favorite character; it took us some time to remember the four main characters names, not the actors names. We were surprised at how hard it was for us both to pinpoint their names and I took some solace in the exercise not necessarily being the precursor to Christmas future since a seven-year-old couldn't recall them either. 

We've seen the movie together at least five times at this point; I've seen it many more. She said, "You love Christmas movies." I said, "I do. But I love musicals too. So you can imagine how excited I was for a musical Christmas movie." 

Then she asked me to tell her about the first time I saw White Christmas. It took me a bit to pinpoint my answer about my first time. I assumed it was as an adult but as I rationalized the history and a somewhat accurate response, I came to land on the fact that the Haynes Sisters song was covered in Chris and Cullen's pre-wedding video, which was 30 years ago this December (certainly a time-warp of it's own). This fact put me at age 14 and meant I saw White Christmas for the first time when I was much younger. I told her, "I don't remember watching it with Nana or Grandpa Cornish," though we always note when we watch it that Vera Bradley was his personal favorite and this means that at some point in my life I watched it with him. I explained that you had to catch movies on tv when they were scheduled and even told her about a magical resource called the weekly television guide that would tell you what shows were scheduled and when. She asked, "but what if there wasn't anything you wanted to watch?" I just said, "well that sucked." Typing this now, I realize that is a first world problem my kids will never experience. 

So I imagined being a pre-teen or younger, wanting the same luscious song voice of Betty and the same dazzling outfits, short skirts and dancing stylings of Judy. Daydreaming, as my girls are still doing every year, about long reds dresses trimmed with white and a horse drawn carriage gliding through the snow as the perfect ending to a perfect Christmas. 

I don't know when I watched it for the first time. Every year I love to indulge in the euphoria of that story, though I know it's not reality and perhaps a bit archaic at this point. I made sure to point out that there are literally no people of color in the whole movie. Still, watching it has become a tradition in our house and provides a bridge to my childhood home. 

Last week, she said to me, "I hope it snows for Christmas." I remember feeling that way as a kid too. 

P.S. Vera Bradley is a no brainer choice, right, with the moves and the body; "she's so flexible," she said. But give me the physical humor of Danny Kay any day over those long, bendy legs. 

Hype

We bought a piece of artwork when we were in Taos at the end of December. D suggested the idea; he’s good that way (always buying things when the mood strikes). Me? I’m usually too frugal but I admired his initiative. In any case, we found ourselves perusing the art down south for something we could bring back up north. It was a good way to commemorate our first trip with Miss M (and Gingy, since it was the first time old girl has been out of CO or tasted the sweet, sweet nectar of piñon). We found a piece in an artists collective just off the main plaza. The moment we saw it, we both liked it even though it wasn’t what we had envisioned purchasing. It wasn't from some fancy gallery or painted by some big name artist. Still the piece spoke to us - what we love about road trips and the mountains. Now it also serves to remind us of that great little getaway. Sometimes it brings me such joy just to think about when we bought it on that trip and sometimes it makes me happy just to imagine a lovely afternoon like the one in the painting.

Red Bug by Alan Heuer  (apologies for the bad photo)

Recently I watched Exit Through the Gift Shop. It was my overdue follow-up to discovering Banksy and it really fired me up for the Oscars. I started perusing online to find out more information: Who is this guy? Is his identity really unknown and did he, perhaps, create another contemplative piece of artwork through this documentary? Could Mr. Brainwash be a hoax? The creation of Banksy to make a statement about the commercialization of the graffiti art genre, the commodization of art in general (good right?! it's not mine), and the climate in the US for that matter: are we all so superficial that we acquiesce to hype? And if so, is that a bad thing?

All of this leaves me believing the hoax is why the movie is up for an Oscar. In fact, I find the documentary much more intriguing from that perspective (and if so, Banksy is a friggin' genius). Certainly it makes an overnight artistic success like Thierry Guetta more interesting. Sure I can appreciate the limelight of Hollywood and a person's 15 minutes of fame but, as Banksy says in the movie (much more eloquently in his English accent), he never earned it. He didn't follow the rules for becoming an artist, which is ironic for a medium that lives by the belief that there are no rules. And in that context, how suiting for a piece of Banksy artwork.

When it comes down to it, what I like best about the documentary is that it begs for conversation. And isn't that the highest form of flattery in the art world? 

Thierry Guetta (Mr. Brainwash) is seen near his mural on La Brea near San Vicente. (Liz O. Baylen, Los Angeles Times / February 2, 2011)

We don't have enough money in our house to have artwork from big name artists but still we manage to have pieces that are dear to our hearts. I like to think that's how it should be as both the artist and as the admirer. The rest is just hype.

And The Winner Is...

You.

I've been thinking about the Oscars the other night. For some reason, I was so excited this year to watch them. The show itself seemed a bit off. The timing between Steve Martin and Alec Balwin was forced and there were many scenes where I wondered what was happening as we watched people walk in front of the camera or run across the stage when coming back from a commercial. I was surprised to find myself completely drawn to the dancing before the best score presentation - that seemed to be the show stealer, even missing the (seems-like yearly) shout out to Debbie Allen.

In any case, there were just a few phrases that stuck out like sweet beacons in the sea of Hollywood luster (though as anyone online will, I'll do my obligatory vote for best dress). They were phrases of goodness brought forth from dreamers who dared to dance with their dream. These people passed along their sage advice and the magic from the night; I like to think they were trying to inspire the possibilities.

"We need inspiration...We must all exceed our own expectations."
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/dor/objects/945524/invictus/videos/invictus_5_120809.html (sorry I can't embed the video)

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
Film: "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"Winner: Geoffrey Fletcher
I don't know what to say. This is for everybody who works on a dream every day. Precious boys and girls everywhere. All the cast and crew, anyone who's kept believing in me...

Music (Original score)
Film: "Up"Winner: Michael Giacchino
Thank you, guys. When I was... I was nine and I asked my dad, "Can I have your movie camera? That old, wind-up 8 millimeter camera that was in your drawer?" And he goes, "Sure, take it." And I took it and I started making movies with it and I started being as creative as I could, and never once in my life did my parents ever say, "What you're doing is a waste of time." Never. And I grew up, I had teachers, I had colleagues, I had people that I worked with all through my life who always told me what you're doing is not a waste of time. So that was normal to me that it was OK to do that. I know there are kids out there that don't have that support system so if you're out there and you're listening, listen to me: If you want to be creative, get out there and do it. It's not a waste of time. Do it. OK? Thank you. Thank you.

Same As It Ever Was

Great things are happening every minute. I'm in one of those moods right now...who knows how long it will last but for the time being, life seems so simple and obvious.

It has something to do with checking in on a favorite blog to find said blogger fulfilling her dream to have a child. Silly it seems: though I have never met this women in person, I believe she will be a great mom. I'm grinning ear to ear for her and her husband and their new lucky-as-sin girl. I'm a sucker for dreams come true (then again, who's not?!) and I like to think there's always a little magic cooking in the background.

Yesterday morning while getting ready for work, I stopped mid-mascara'd lash to think how ironic it was that I was mindlessly humming to Once in a Lifetime playing from the clock radio by my bed. I just used that as a blog post title and it felt synchronicitous to hear as I found myself starting another day. I stopped to take a good look in the mirror and to make a note to self...invite Talking Heads over for dinner, I'd like to get to know them better (the song always reminds me of Rock Star - put it in your que).

It's about hearing Yim Yames (Jim James - MMJ) covering George Harrison's My Sweet Lord while I'm writing about this feeling and thinking what a trippy-dippy happy moment. It's about soaking it in for nothing more than that (and the buttery, southern-goodness of his voice).

It's about friends who are coming in to their own as artists, professionals, parents, and dreamers. It's about feeling like there's more to this life than unloading the dishwasher and paying the bills. It's about paying attention to the small joys as much as the big ones and shrugging off the bad moods (because everyone has a bad day now and again). It's about treading lightly with friends who are too busy these days and slowing down with friends who aren't.

I like the moments of life change that seem so definitive, such as marriage or a world trip, but I’m more intrigued by those subtle things that rarely make it past the cutting room floor (like how it started to snow as we left for our walk and we both agreed it was the perfect time to be outside). The simple things in life are real treats and if you celebrate them, you get to celebrate every day.

The World is a Playground

“The world is a playground. We knew that as a kid.
But somewhere along the line we forgot that.”

I watched Yes Man again the other night and this statement stuck in my head this time around. Perhaps it was because it was delivered by the uber-cute Zooey Deschanel (another Hollywood crush) or perhaps it's just that these days, I feel like life should/could be lived this way. Sure it's easy sentiment coming from a character with no need to address the realities of paying bills or getting car insurance but then again, maybe it IS that simple because lately I've found that things have a way of working out.

The playground wasn’t necessarily always a happy place: little girls cliqued, boys stole kisses, sometimes that red, rubber, four-square ball smacked you in the face. The dreaded jungle gym demanded courage to approach it. With sweaty palms, you would find yourself slipping off the monkey bars halfway through and then there were days when you made it across. The thing is no one killed themselves in the mix of it all, except that one kid who always forget his jacket, tore his pants, and kept wiping his runny nose on his shirt. Sure there were knee scraps, social drama, and cold days when clearly some Human Rights law was being violated; but for the most part, it was a lesson in letting go and having fun.

I forget that the most important thing that can be done is to find my bliss. Could it be that life will follow my lead? Twice this week I've found myself in situations where all I needed to do was ask for what I wanted. Where all I needed to do was just go for it. It might sound silly but that's a hard challenge for me. For some reason I get anxious about outcomes and choose to avoid conflict. Once I grabbed the bull by the horns and addressed the situations head on, I found it wasn't half as scary as I anticipated. Putting myself out there and letting the chips fall where they fall was quite interesting...and a bit fun. I mean really, what is there to loose? Something else always comes along - whether it's a lover or a job or another lunch date. This is all some strange silly game with structures to keep us occupied and challanged.

The Women

The other night I finally finished the 1939 version of The Women - an all-female-casted movie about infidelity, divorce, and social relationships. The smart, sophisticated charaters in this movie are aggressive, egotistical, and obnoxious. These Manhattan socialites are fast talkers, quick witted, and out for the blood of their contemporaries - never stopping to consider how emotionally damaging it is to gossip about one of their "good" friends. Each woman most definitely protects herself from the surrounding women while projecting an air of confidence. I found Norma Shearer’s Mary so lovable: she holds her integrity in the face of this social badgery and, by the end of the movie, she finds a way to assert herself and band together with a few women who have proven themselves to truly be good friends. I relate to her facial reactions and her physical appearance (P.S. I definitely have a Hollywood crush kickin' -she's the one on the left below. P.P.S. the fashions and real feminine shapes are at times more mesmerizing than the movie itself).

Interestingly enough, when the movie was recreated in 2008, Diane English (Director) said she wanted to have something new to add to the story rather than just doing a remake. The contemporary women are presented more as supportive girlfriends, still dealing with infidelity, but also dealing with the breakdown of a true BFF friendship. I wonder, in this version, if the women are friends because it’s more politically correct nowadays, or if in the past 80 years we have come to discover the sheer importance of supporting girlfriends rather than competing with them?

In the face of all the dynamics that have changed in my life this past year, my close girlfriend’s are as important as ever. There are some things only certain women can relate to or provide insight about. Being the youngest of six girls, I have always had the ability to draw from an arsenal of feminine input and wisdom. Yet still I have been lucky enough to have great friends to confide in as well. I prefer to think we are in this together, supporting each other. We can stand beside each other rather than tear each other down. We are stronger as a sex that way; we are stronger to evolve that way.

Yes!

I watched “Yes Man” last night. It’s a movie about a guy who thinks he is not good enough for anything or anyone so he finds himself avoiding life and friends all together. He goes to a seminar and commits to saying yes to anything anyone asks of him. It changes his whole attitude and he starts to enjoy his life. It’s an interesting concept and a message similar to the Secret. It’s an inspiring movie to watch. I thought since Jim Carey was in it, it would be more silly, but really it was heartbreaking at the beginning to watch him act so shut off to life and pretend nothing was affecting him. I can relate; I have lived like that for years. To see an entire movie about social coma makes me realize this is an epidemic many people are wrestling with; I am not alone.

The more I try to find inspiration and interest in my day to day activities, the more it seems I was dead in many ways. Really I became a whole other person: someone filled with a lot of negativity and cynicism. My character has become so apprehensive and scared to take action. I used to be more of a yes person than I am now because I didn’t know how to say no. I was raised to do without questioning, to acquiesce without a second thought. When I learned how to say "no", I went to the other end of the spectrum. Having that ability to choose was addicting. So addicting, I started to avoid everything. Slowly, I’m entering this new phase of life where I am balancing out the spectrum.

Now I'm choosing to be the person living life rather than the person judging life. I am becoming the person I would like to be rather than the person the I think the world thinks I am. The point of the movie was to start living life rather than fighting life. In the movie, the seminar presenter says, “Once you say yes to life, life says yes to you." I like that sentiment. I have been fighting my expectations about life for so long, it feels unreal to finally embrace what I am living. It is a retraining of sorts.

Just In Time

I have begun to feel so desperate lately. With no strong job prospects and being too scared to pull the self employment trigger, I feel as if I have no anchor. I feel stupid and uneducated and uninspired.

In mid-January, I rented The Secret from the library to inject a sense of hope into my soul. I'd seen it before but I consider watching it like taking mental medicine. I like believing things will happen at just the right time and that the universe is conspiring on my behalf. It’s just hard when I have been through a few interviews and any sign of a job prospect means no full time work, no health insurance, and pay that’s well below what I have tried to build up to in my career. The positive thinking goes out the window and I feel stuck not knowing where my life path will take me next. I trust I will get there but I wish I knew how.

When I got laid off, I had grand plans to use the seemingly bad news and turn it in to an opportunity to finally begin working for myself. The plan was to beef up the writing/editing side of my career and partner it with my design experience. Since DW was my dream job, it was the next obvious step in my career. It was perfect timing: I was getting married, I had health insurance, and the employment market was crap. I also knew it was now or never since once we brought kids in to the picture, I was likely to never take such a chance.

I embarrassingly admit unemployment has sidetracked this via a shot to the ego and bi-weekly payments that sedate me in to not feeling so desperate about the situation at hand. I am a little chicky bird in the nest and momma bird is going to cut me off soon from regular worm feedings. I have two options: I could jump out of the nest and fall to the ground, possibly risking paralysis at one more boring attempt to live life to it's fullest OR I could jump out of the nest, squirm, flap and fly. I need to learn how to fly. Everyone who works for themselves seems to believe it's the best thing they decided to do and they took way to long to actually do it. So I am looking for abundance here and the next step to come seamlessly, intrinsically into my existence (with some flapping of course -move over Richard Bach, it's Amy Livingston Seagull time).

Yesterday I read an article by Martha Beck on CNN that reminded me of my exploits into working with a life coach and learning to empower myself. The article compares "just in case" thinking to "just in time" thinking. Just in case thinking is more about hoarding and believing, “Everything good is scarce.” Just in time thinking is about believing, “Everything good is readily available and abundant.” It’s that same message as The Secret and, as always it’s been with me, it's about reframing. Another quote comes to mind: “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right!” - Henry Ford

In any case, the article presents a short exercise which can be built upon over the years. I began this morning and I have to admit, it felt pretty good to stretch my sense of hope.

1. List times you thought that there wouldn't be enough of something and you survived.

2. List areas where you have too much, not too little.

3. List wonderful things that entered your life just at the right time, with no effort on your part. Start with the little things (oxygen, sunlight, a song on the radio). You'll soon think of bigger ones and continue building and rethinking my existence into something positive and abundant.

Trust that You'll Find Exactly What You Need By Martha Beck from O, The Oprah Magazine, April 2009