20. Waking Up

I slept horrible last night: Too much different wine varietals during a online tasting and too much cheese to accompany it. I went to bed quickly and woke up a few times to an aching head, aching bones and then an aching belly. I love waking up in the middle of the night when it's an inconsistent practice. I feel like I can catch some strange beast or view that I'm not supposed to see (dare I say a Christmas elf in motion). In any case, when it happens at 3 am, I always think of the poet Rives and his TedTalk.

Three a.m. was when I got more water and moved the elf. I went back to bed outside the sheets under the soft blanket that provides so much tactile pleasure. Four a.m. was most likely when I woke back up from a beautiful dream where I was being creative and in my flow and came across a group of people I barely knew from an old project. An old friend called out my name and, before I knew it, I was sitting in a coffee house, talking and joking with a talented group of people about what our passions were. The energy was light and inspired. I was sitting next to the person who initially called out my name, a person that always felt kindred for some reason I could never pinpoint. We ended up holding our hands out to each other and barely touching them beyond our fingertips but I felt transported to another realm. It was a truly euphoric experience, like nothing else I have ever felt; so much so, I'm trying to figure out the chemical reaction in my brain during sleep to better understand the feeling. I spent the rest of the early morning flirting with sleep and trying to get back to the dream, to the altered reality, until I finally woke up. It's haunted me the entire day. 

17. Day to Day

Strange times we are living in but then again hasn't it always been strange? This world, this place, this time; anytime in history is curious because we are here for such a short stint: a solid 75 years with any luck. 

What is the goal? Is there even one? To accomplish something or to move humankind forward? I'm not really sure what I came here to do. This business of being precisely who you are can be a bit precarious. As I tread the path, so many appear to be farther ahead, happier or have an easier route. What about those who wander with no structure at all? The ones alone out in the field running their fingers over the tall grass not concerned about direction or pace; it's as if they have done it all before and now know just to be part of the ecosystem, to take it all in. 

16. The List: Memories from my Childhood Christmas

This one came to me when I was delivering some cards to my mother today. I was helping address and message a few cards so she could get them in the mail to her friends. When I was driving back, I was trying to remember how she used to display all the holiday cards we received from family and friends. 

I love the holiday card season. I believe I could do without the gifts entirely, if I could just receive mail every single day. I makes me so happy and light to have true hand addressed cards, not just bills, waiting to be opened at the end of each day. In fact it's a moment I cherish like a piece of chocolate or a sip of wine. I save it and savor it at just the right time. Then, I take the cards and tape them up on our wall across from the front door. I've searched for more aesthetically pleasing ways to display them over the years but this way allows for a us to clearly see our friends. Having these friendly faces in our house truly lifts my spirits, especially this year as we've had little to no friends over. 

In any case, my mother used a repurposed Pringle can to display our cards when I was a kid. This was back in the day when most people sent true cards rather than photo cards. The can she used had green yarn but was fairly similar to this image I found online, including the sprig of green on top. The cards slide in on a piece of yarn and you could scroll through the roll, which was usually displayed on the table behind the couch across from our tree.  



15. Vocabulary

Clumsy: My voice out loud passing over the pages of Harry Potter as I read with the girls. 

Driveling: Over the words as they spill out of my mouth, sometimes wiping the saliva from reading at a pace which hints too fast.

Corrected: When I mispronounce words like "Harry Potster" or "she said" rather than "he said." 

Confident: They are paying attention and not just bidding their time until we can watch the movie.

Scholarly: Getting an education in stories: I, paying attention to the writer's tone and character development while they pay attention to the storyline so they can talk about it with their contemporaries. 

Exhuberant: Sitting at lunch or dinner talking about what is happening in the book; guessing at what is to come and making connections between events and characters. 

Charming: She reenacts character dialogues in various English accents and tones, none of which are wholly accurate but are absolutely delightful nonetheless. 

Elated: A dream turned reality when she leaned over to me and said she thought Professor Lupin might be Sirius Black. I whispered I had been wondering the same thing but then also I think he might be a really good guy.

13. The List: Memories from my Childhood Christmas

My mother had Poinsettias all over our house at Christmas. She was raised and cultivated as a bonafide fake plant person from an early age, so we had fake and real poinsettias all over our house during the holidays. A quick Google search tells me their associated with the Star of Bethlehem and the crucifixion, which is probably why they are so abundant in her world. It occurs to me now that I used to buy a real poinsettia in my early years living on my own as Christmas decor and that she brought me a live one or two when I moved into this "new" house. I preferred the live plants and associated these with a connection to my mom's underdeveloped indoor houseplant thumb. Now I'm intrigued by Aztecs cultivating them to use for dyes and anti-inflammatory medication.

Over the years my mother has collected numerous plants and even kept them in her decor throughout the whole year. I think it's because she puts them here and there while she's decorating for the holidays. Then she forgets all the ones she has placed in every room and along her way to moving them, finds more to use in decorating. It's not uncommon to find one sticking out from a fake plant of other sorts or alone in a vase in a bathroom. 

This morning I found a box full of fully bloomed poinsettias in her Christmas storage closet and picked one out to send over to her. Maddie was going to place a few outside but I got worried they would weather in the snow and be ruined (though they are fake and some show years of sun damage). 

I think it's the familiarity, the vibrant color that is so alluring. I only wish I had chosen a white one, which is supposed to symbolize the star of Bethlehem rather than the red one, which is the crucifixion.

11. The Eco Santa

There once was a Santa who, instead of building new toys for kids each year, diversified his business and leveraged his contact list. The bottom line was to identify what children had and could exchange with another as a gift for the holiday. 

Sure Santa still intervened when there was no true solution or if toys had to be fixed en route to their new owner; but otherwise, the Santa spirit morphed and people started to connect without the middleman to reuse the items that they had and the joy that filled their house from that item. 

The true magic is how humans evolved to change their consumptive holiday habits and take care of each other better and the world we inhabit. The truth is that we are all fine at home with our families, potentially a treat or a good book and the dog or cat curled up. Santa being the magic we make for ourselves, our connections to those around us.