I could have laid in bed longer but I've been craving the early morning silence of the house: the sunrise, sipping the coffee uninterrupted, easy light and waking up on my terms. You have to steal moments for yourself because the holiday season gets busy. This year, things are a bit different but I've been through too many rounds to know when to seize a moment for myself. The holidays are a beast of their own for a mom. And I do know, the expectations sit in my court, so it's all my undoing... but I can't help myself when it comes to magic and my kids.
I whisper-called from bed last night as D wandered around in the middle of the night to get a sip of water. I asked him to move Rosy, the elf, hoping that Maddie wasn't awake to hear me (we were sleeping together). I was too tired to get up out of bed. I knew going to sleep that I would have to drag myself out of bed in the middle of the night to do it, since I most likely would have accidentally slept in on the wrong morning and proved to disappoint them with my already sub-par elf skills (or so i had come to surmise from the stories of other elves in the hood and my neglect to remove Amelia's Santa letter the other night from the scene). She's asked me if Dad and I hide the elf? I regularly cough or take a drink of water and forget to answer. I'm not quite ready to unveil the truth about Rosy, or Santa for that matter, even though I'm sure they have heard rumblings and it would make my holiday nighttime routine much easier.
How strange this existence: four people living under one roof: two over 40, two under 10. Some days I hear the girls from another room and wonder, "what are they doing?" They are in a different world, and it's increasingly becoming one I'm not fully privy to. It warms my heart to hear their laughter or curious chatter, even when I don't get it. I realized today, we two are no different. Off in our own world at times, being mischievous and not fully making sense behind closed doors.