Take Two

I haven't had the time or head space to fully indulge my thoughts about the new little soul that joined our family in May. Some days I stare at her round cheeks, her sweet softness, and I wonder why I can't define how amazing she is to me (such is the plight of a parent). I watch her grow, seemingly so much already, and I see the personality I think will develop. Funny how experience can lead to perspective: I see so much more of her personality at this age than I did with Miss M because all I saw with Miss M was a newborn baby since the experience was so alien to me in so many ways.*

Miss A is a straight shot to my ego. She looks like me and could quite possibly be my "Cornish" baby. Her smile comes easy and she loves to talk. I look in to those baby blues and see an old familiar face. I catch her waiting for me to look at her when she nurses. Once I pay attention she gets a googly grin on her face like we're sharing a good joke and I melt entirely in to her friendly way. 

I'm convinced there is no other relationship as intimate as that of a mother and her newborn. I realized this the other day when we spent some time together. Those beautiful quiet moments when all she wants is to be as close to the thing that birthed her as possible. I think she would crawl right back inside me if she could. For now, she nuzzles in to my body and calms. My touch will most likely be the most sound thing she gauges the rest of her life experiences upon. It is quit an undertaking and an honor (even if I completely sound like an egomaniac right now).

Everyone asks and I firmly say, "Yes. She is a 'good' baby." She sleeps well, she eats well, she poops well (a little too much for my liking). What else is there to say. She has begun to talk to me too, which is the true prize at the end of the newborn tunnel. I can't imagine when her words come in what she will say but I'm hoping I still hold her number one spot when she wants to talk (Miss M is encroaching in on this prospect daily). 

Having two kids presents a whole new vantage point with which to view things. Life shattered when I had Miss M and so it seems fitting that it moved more softly and sweetly when Miss A came into the picture. I do lament that each day doesn't present the life-shattering revelations I learned from Miss M's growth but on the flip side I relish most moments more easily the second time around. I wonder whether it's just being a seasoned parent? I can't muster it within myself to run around neurotically and protect miss A from every danger/germ the world presents. Instead I am more open to welcoming the experience of new life. This time around I've been more indulgent about sharing the joys of a baby with others. I stop when I see little old ladies trying to steal a peak. I embrace the connection and coddle the smiles on stranger's faces.

It's fun to watch the sister-friend bond form between these two girls. I can only hope one day they feel the sense of connection and camaraderie that I do with my sister-friends. Last night they were lying on the bed next to each other playing with D and I caught them holding hands. Sure it was more M's action but Miss A has been reaching out to her, acknowledging her more and more each day. I like to think I too played a hand in this new hand holding. In that moment I understood the link that so sweetly ties two people together when they come to know each other over a lifetime: they have a history together and will carry a good deal of the same stories and experiences. I can only hope as we move forward we help to cultivate the type of love that comes naturally with happy siblings, with happy families.

* Gingy too has easily found a shine to miss A (she was nervous to establish one with miss M). Sometimes I find her sleeping in her room at the base of her crib - a thing she never did with M.