She didn’t know how to deal with the new reality she was stepping in to. There was so much energy a buzz around it and she found it hard to settle her mind and heart. She couldn’t even get a handle on her breathing.
She felt lost at sea, stuck in a tiny lifeboat requiring her to be present in each moment. There was nothing left to do but trust her story. She might not end up on the shore; sharks might come and tear her apart; or she could die from dehydration: too much salt, the sun burning her light skin red and blustery. The sea was never her home. Land, dirt, plants were her true place and so even more so she felt afloat in her surroundings.
She searched the horizon, always. She watched the long line laid out before her and felt drawn as if something magnetic was calling her home. Each day she woke looking for a bump in the flat distance, a difference in the space around her. She was hopeful something would show up in her purview and once again she could funnel her efforts towards a point.
Why was it that what laid before her, unreachable, always seemed to pose more promise the where she currently sat? The question comforted her and she finally relaxed a bit; settling in to the flimsy fluid place she sat. She bobbled in the not knowing where she would find land or if she would land at all.
She was hopeful and trusted somehow, once again, she would step forth on something solid. Even more enticing was the idea of sprouting wings and flying away all together. It would be a faster solution, if she could in fact find land before her wings failed her with exhaustion.
The silent flat water spread out in every direction and she felt stagnant, no oar to even take her attention. She was lost in her mind, which decided to no longer dance with her instincts. How could she pull the two together to mingle again?
She called herself forward in daily tasks that kept her alive. She fished in the water and watched for signs from animals. She felt restless, no room to escape. She was in it and liked to trust she would get out. Oh but what could she do to get out?